its the start of december tomorow and not my favorite month as its my sons birthday 3 days before christmas....I just want to get through this next month with my sanity intact


xx

This Is A Kiss…written for my son


THIS IS A KISS FOR YOU TO KEEP,
PUT IT UNDER YOUR PILLOW TO HELP YOU SLEEP.
KEEP IT BY YOU NIGHT AND DAY,
AND USE IT TO SCARE THE MONSTERS AWAY.
THIS IS A SMILE FOR YOU TO HOLD
KEEP IT CLOSE TO YOUR HEART THERE WAS ONLY ONE MOULD
WHEN IN NEED AND THE WORLD IS SAD
TAKE OUT YOUR SMILE AND THINGS WONT LOOK SO BAD.
THIS IS A HUG SENT TO YOU WITH LOVE,
LOTS OF THESE COME FROM OUR ANGELS ABOVE
WHENEVER YOU ARE FEELING DOWN, USE THIS HUG TO BRING YOU ROUND
THIS IS A WAVE AS YOU GO OUT THE DOOR ALONG LIFES ROAD THERE IS BOUND TO BE MORE
LAST BUT NOT LEAST, ARE THREE IMPORTANT WORDS, WHENEVER THEY ARE SAID THEY WILL ALLWAYS BE HEARD

I LOVE YOU…..

© Anna Brown, 10th May 2002


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You Were There
you were there in the wind, I heard it whisper your name,
you were there, in the rain, I felt your tears drop down upon my face,
you were there in the snow, the flakes falling from your soul into mine,
you were there, on sunny days I saw your eyes in the bright rays,
you were there, espying me from behind our sister moon,

I looked for you in the wind, I heard it whisper your name,
I looked for you in the rain, I felt you cry upon my face,
I counted the flakes of snow and knew that somewhere out there you were counting also

I looked into my ice-cream on sunny days and saw you melt into my heart
and in the full light of the moon,your reflection could be clearly seen
my darling lost son I looked for you everywhere and now I have found you
I can rest again and love you the way that I should have been allowed to

© Anna Brown, March 2002

Neil is my birth son, he was born on December 22nd 1981 in Holles Street Hospital in Dublin Ireland. He was my first born child and was kept in my heart for the 19 years that we were apart. Those years apart where the hardest and most lonely part of my life. It was like a limb and had been severed from me. I was 20 years old a month before Neil was born and I loved him from the very first moment he took his breath of life. I wanted to keep my son more than anything in the world, but events that were beyond my control forced me to lose my son to adoption, through bullying, coercing and lies…..I had no support and his father was long gone. The hardest thing I have had to do was to say good bye to my sweet boy in that hospital room I was in a mother and baby home in Ireland and my treatment there was appalling and left me with many mental scars. There was not a day that went by that I did not think of him and wonder if he was well and happy. I would look at my other 3 children and wonder did he look like any of them?

On the 13th of November 2000 I was reunited with my lost boy in Dublin thanks to the wonderful people at Adoptionireland where my son had put his details on the online contact register on the site

~see I did not forget you I carved you in the palm of my hand~

We are the *forgotten* mothers, there are LOADS of us out there in the world. You could pass us in the street and not even notice us. We carry our grief on the inside locked away in a small box with the lid firmly shut, for if we lift that lid then we come face to face with the monster of forced adoption loss, grief and all the emotions that entails. I lost my first born son to forced adoption under severe duress in Ireland in 1981.....this is my blog...